Who’s In Your Circle

Coffee dates are my favorite things! Give me a good cup of joe, a few hours of girl time, and I am one happy girl! I recently met an old friend for coffee that I’ve known since I was a teenager. We crossed paths again after almost 20 years and I believe it was for a very specific purpose. We had a chance to catch up, hear each other’s heart, and encourage each other in what God was calling us to do. It was a sweet time and I love that God knows exactly who you need in every season of life. As I left the coffee shop I thought back on all the friendships I’ve had over the years. Some I knew were for a season, but there were a few I thought would be forever.

Recently I went through a season where God removed a few close relationships from my life. Not with my permission of course, because I loved these people deeply and thought we would be besties for life. We did life together, went on vacations together, raised our kids together, went to church together, laughed, cried, you name it we did it. These kind of friendships are deep, close and ones that a girl needs. Never did I think they would change, but you know that’s just a part of life. You grow up and some friendships you grow out of. The hard part is accepting that what was once so close is now so far gone and you can’t have it back.

Looking back I realized that my circle of people were probably not as close to me as I thought. The friendships were mostly one sided and probably had some co-dependent moments that were so unhealthy. I would give, give, give, and all they would do is take without me ever realizing it. Now I’m not saying that I was completely innocent, I had my faults too. I also don’t want to discount their friendships either. They served a purpose for that season and I’m very thankful for that. However, God was doing a work in me and I was changing. He was leading me on a different path and had something for me that I couldn’t get to if I stayed in that circle. This is the really painful part, recognizing that it was time to let go. Loving these people so closely was what I had done for years and now having to love them at a distance was devastating. I loved them so much and to do life without them now still hurts sometimes.

Through the loss of these relationships and dealing with all that came with it, I learned quite a bit about what a healthy friendship should look like. There should always be boundaries. You should always be able to be real and honest with them. If you can’t then the friendship only goes but so deep. If they have hurt you tell them, don’t keep it to yourself. That will just cause bitterness. They should care for you as much as you care for them. Never put them before your family, I don’t care how bad their situation might be. You don’t have to do life with everyone, just a few people. Ultimately people will let you down and that’s ok, we are all human! However, if your circle isn’t pushing you to Jesus, challenging you to be the best version of yourself, encouraging you to do what you’re supposed to be doing, then you might want to rethink who you are spending your time with.

This was a very painful season for me. I was so hurt and felt betrayed. It was so painful that I didn’t want to ever open myself up again. If this is what friendships were then I didn’t want anymore of them. I found myself feeling alone and isolated. That’s a very dangerous place to be in. I now know that I actually do need people in my life even though there’s a chance I will get hurt again. I remember begging God to send me good healthy friendships. Women that actually cared about me and built me up as much as I would for them. I never really experienced that, but I was desperate to have it. I know that sounds silly to ask God for friends, but a girl needs her girlfriends! Thankfully one by one God has sent me amazing women who are my biggest cheerleaders! If I would have kept myself closed off I would have missed out on these precious friendships that I know are a gift from God.

We are not meant to do life alone nor should we. If you’ve been hurt by someone close to you and have closed yourself off try opening yourself back up by working through some of the pain. FORGIVE! It’s ok to let go of the hurt and love them from a distance. Pray for good healthy friendships. God will send them. He did it for me and I know He will do the same for you!